Justin Bieber closed his Comedy Central roast by touchingly reuniting with his pet capuchin monkey, OG Mally, who he famously abandoned in 2013 after the animal was confiscated at customs by the German government. Except that he didn't—that wasn't OG Mally or any kinda regular Mally.
The roasters lobbed a number of jokes at Bieber about his adoption and, just a week later, desertion of the little capuchin. It was a perfect, PR-friendly surprise when Bieber ended his smarmy pledge to finally be a grown-up with a joke about "someone I really loved and lost because I screwed it all up."
"Thankfully that special someone, the love of my life, is here tonight. I want that second chance," he said. And then instead of Selena Gomez, he brought out a capuchin monkey, seen perching on his shoulder in the AP photo above.
Could it be? Has Justin—whose track record with pets is perhaps the most shameful mark on his lengthy record of juvenile fuck-ups—finally taken responsibility and agreed to care for the monkey he left sitting in a Munich animal shelter for months before Mally was finally transferred to a wildlife park?
Would the park whose zookeeper described Mally as "frightened," "alone," "disoriented" and needing constant care really release Mally to the profligate pop star who, they said, probably acquired him through the black market?
He hasn't, and they wouldn't. And, in fact, they didn't.
In an email to Gawker, a spokesperson for the Hodenhagen Serengeti Wildlife Park, where Mally is now happily living, said the park released some video of the monkey to Comedy Central last week, but "he was never out of the Serengeti-Park."
That's probably good, because he's been healthy, happy, and making friends since leaving Bieber's less-than-diligent care.
"He is very well and perfectly integrated in our capuchin group and playing along with our other teenage capuchin girl, Molly," the park's spokesperson told us today via email.
We can only assume that the monkey who appears on the roast is a stunt double—and a well-trained one, at that. Excellent uncredited performance by that anonymous capuchin.
As for the large fine that Bieber reportedly owes the German government for Mally's vaccinations, transport, and temporary accommodation in animal jail, he finally paid up in August of last year: $10,700, which covered transport, vaccinations, and 17 months in an animal shelter for the beloved pet he discarded after one week.
[Photo: AP Images]