Sometimes a work of satire is so profound, so incisive that the twisted society it came from can't even recognize it for a farce. Other times people are just really, really dumb. The latter was almost certainly the case this week when ClickHole—The Onion's BuzzFeed parody site—published "5 Tragedies Weirdly Predicted By Adam Sandler."
Among other events, the article claimed Sandler had foretold the Waco siege ("Something's coming to Waco. Something dark."), the death of Princess Diana ("Our Queen's eldest, the beautiful flower, will wilt under a Parisian bridge.") and the disappearance of Malaysia Flight 370 ("A missing plane-ah / It's from Malaysia / Make me insane-ah / This will all make sense in due time."). As can only be expected by now, people freaked the fuck out online, some using Twitter to directly accuse Sandler of being responsible.
— Aubrey Pittman (@_doobrey) August 19, 2014
UM I JUST READ AN ARTICLE ABT HOW ADAM SANDLER IS AN ORACLE OF SORTS WHO CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE I ALWAYS KNEW THIS SUMHOW OMG 😳
— ENCARTA (@365750) August 19, 2014
— Meghan Slack (@meghanslack1211) August 18, 2014
But along with the usual mix of teenagers and old people, this time The Onion also managed to fool dumbshit racists. In a post titled "Jew Adam Sandler predicts future events...," a member of white supremacist message board Stormfront held up the article as proof "Jews do make **** happen and probably communicate via movies."
"This comes as no surprise," replied one commenter, "all the Jews know what the schedule is, and follow it accordingly," apparently unimpressed with news that Sandler wore a T-shirt reading "BP OIL SPILL IN FIVE YEARS" on Late Night With Conan O'Brien.
In all fairness, however, not every übermensch was entirely convinced. "Oil companies like BP are always having oil spills," noted forum member FreeScotland. "So that's a non-prediction."
[ Images via Universal Pictures/Literally Unbelievable]